Beating The Long Distance Relationship Ache

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University is always at hot topic when at College because it’s the next step that majority of people choose to take. It crops up into conversation when surrounded by a group of friends discussing the hopeful possibilities of the future. Along with this arises a certain subject; “Should I go to University single?”

Close friends and family may discourage a University relationship as it often means long distance. With long distance relationships come complications or a high possibility of heartbreak which would be made harder whilst being away from home. Our parents would much rather us be having fun and finding independence. But it wouldn’t be independence if we listened to everything other people suggested to be best for us.

No one ever really knows how things will turn out in the future but it doesn’t have to be all negative, so while making the decision yourself, try to take these few things into consideration:

Don’t choose somewhere near home to be closer to them

If you choose your university based on somebody else and end up not liking it, resentment towards that person will grow. There will always be a way to make a relationship work if it is really meant to be no matter what the distance is. Even if you do like the university you chose that is a bit closer, how do you know you won’t wonder what it would have been like to go somewhere further? It’s a hard enough decision to make on your own so you don’t need somebody else interfering.

Do we stay together?

You may be questioning if you should leave the relationship at home before you have even left for your new adventure. If that is what you really feel is right for you, then go ahead. If not, then there is nothing wrong with trying to make it work. Absence can make the heart grow fonder (I know you’ve heard that one before.)

The initial heart ache feeling

The feeling of missing someone can be extremely unpleasant and often painful, especially if you haven’t had to deal with it before. It might come in waves when you have some free time which you would have usually spent with your partner. Instead you find yourself bored and not sure what to do with yourself. Use this time to an advantage. You have free time to be by yourself and create stronger independence so try finding a hobby or doing something you have always wanted to.

Feeling held back

As a young person it can be so easy to put your main focus into a relationship and to neglect friends. We would have seen this happen with either a friend who has a new boyfriend and maybe you’ve done it yourself. But try to avoid doing this is when you first start university. Mainly because you don’t know anyone yet and yes, it is easy to make friends but not always as easy to keep them.

Feeling Guilty

A common feeling to get is feeling like you can’t go out and have fun with new friends and see new places because your partner won’t like it, or maybe you just feel bad about them being stuck at home whilst you have fun? Or you just miss them and wish they were there? Either way it’s not your fault.

First of all, they aren’t there with you so they cannot stop you from having fun. He/she should trust and understand that it’s all part of the university experience. Secondly, it’s normal to feel bad especially when you’re so used to being there with them. But they’re around family, friends and familiarity at home whereas you’re somewhere new and don’t know anyone yet. You should be having fun. Thirdly, it’s normal to miss them but doing something will take your mind off it. You will even know a few new places to go and see when they comes to visit.

Get good at communication

This goes deeper than the “Good Morning” and “Good Night” texts you always make sure to send. When the only interaction you are having regularly with your partner is digital it becomes hard to notice if something is really wrong. You can’t see body language on a FaceTime call and honestly, you might not want to discuss anything negative during that small time you get to speak to them.

It is important to understand that communication is key to make any relationship work so if your partner has an issue, you have to listen. This works both ways so if you have something on your mind you need to speak about it. Neglecting any real problems rising in your relationship will only result in pushing each other away and creating a real distance. Emotional distance as well as the obvious; physical distance.

Additional Tips

• Always set a date for the next time you see each other. It gives you something to look forward to and will put your mind at ease knowing exactly how many days are left.

• Face time regularly. I know we all get busy but making time to speak on the phone a few times a week is vital and face time makes things even more personal.

• Try not to get jealous when your partner starts seeing their friends much more often. Just like you wouldn’t want them stopping you from having fun, you shouldn’t stop them either because it works both ways. Feeling left out is a normal feeling but you have to remember that you aren’t there. It is better for both of you to fulfil your time doing fun or productive things.

• Split the journeys. Travel can be expensive so try to go home to see them as much as they come to see you. This won’t work for everyone and sometimes you might not want to go home because of all the fun you have with your new friends. Always discuss with your partner to see what works best for the two of you.

• Trusting each other is the most important thing in any relationship regardless of how far apart you are. It is key to always let your partner know your plans if you are planning on going out. They don’t need to know every little detail just enough to keep their mind at ease.

 

MELISSA, XO


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4 Comments

  1. 10th March 2016 / 7:44 pm

    A relationship is much more than love. It includes trust, faith and a bit of magic!

  2. 11th March 2016 / 7:17 am

    Great post! Thank you for this. Really can help a lot of people <3

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